326 pounds. That's how much I weighed the last time I found a scale that wouldn't give me an error message and run screaming for the hills, which was probably about 6 months ago. 326 pounds. For kicks and giggles, lets do a bit of conversions: That's more than two full grown Saint Bernard's; or 53 gallons of unleaded gasoline; or, if you prefer, 168,418 M&Ms. Whew. Good to have that out of my system.
When it comes to this weight, I have nothing to blame but myself. I've formed such terrible eating habits over the years with almost no physical activity that I almost don't even know where to begin.
So, the question is, what does one do to fix such a massive problem? The short answer is to get off my butt and work. Coincidentally, that is also the long answer.
I've spent the last several days looking into what I need to do in order to get healthy. I went to the gym (the one that I've had a membership to for nearly a year and have used maybe twice. Go go gadget procrastination!) and asked about a personal trainer. Now, I am a college student, which means of coarse that I have money coming out the wazoo, but for the sake of research, I pretended that I couldn't afford anything too expensive.
I knew right after I asked about a personal trainer that I might have made a mistake. The man at the front counter lit up like a candle and said "Oh, we can certainly help you with that." He then told me that they would even make the first visit free. I felt like I was talking to a dealer who was about to give me an entry drug of some type. He brings me into this dimly lit room that looks like it may or may not be used for police interrogations on the weekends and says that my trainer will be in shortly. I sat down and began to prepare myself for who might walk in the door. Would it be a yoga zealot? A Chuck Norris wannabe? A massive woman named Svetlana from the Ukraine that could benchpress me while brushing her teeth? If only I had been so lucky.
The door opened and in walks the most massive Australian I have ever seen in my life. The size of this man rivaled that of most Japanese cars! This freak of a man is all business, so he takes me out to the weights and goes right for the humiliation factor. He puts me on a bench and give me these two 95 pound weights and says "Go to town." Sweat poured off my face from just looking at those weights. So I lay down on the bench and with the eyes of God and the world on me, I strain and sweat and pop several veins trying to lift these bricks. I couldn't even get them up once. Not Once! So the Australian decides that he is going to be funny and gets these two-pound rubber weights and says "This should be more your capability." What the? Screw you man! So, all eyes on me again. Everyone watching? Great. So I start the exercise and to everyone's disappointment, I actually CAN lift two pounds. Surprise. Hope you enjoyed the show. Sensing that there is not enough humiliation going on, the Australian takes me over to some machines that, if I didn't know better, were once used as medieval torture devices. No one expects the Australian Inquisition! Well, to make an already incredibly long story shot, I went home that day feeling like someone had taken a meat tenderizer to every inch of my body. I couldn't even wash my hair in the shower because I couldn't lift my arms above my shoulders. Needless to say, I haven't been back since.
So, when it comes down to it, I think I'm going to pass on the Personal Trainer. Not because I had a terrible experience. Quite the contrary: I felt amazing once I could feel my arms again. But the main reason (aside from the cost) is that I want to do this on my own. Yes, Personal Trainers are an incredible resource that have far more knowledge of how to lose weight and gain muscle that I ever will, but I felt that this is a journey that I'm need to make on my own. I'll do the research. I'll do the work. I don't want to feel like someone else had to motivate me to lose weight.
So, this is it. I'm going chronicle my own weight loss story, from the beginning. After all, what do I have to lose? I mean, other than the weight of course...You know what I meant.
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